MYSTIC - Become Who You Are

Good soul always suffer?

2011-10-21T21:47:00.001+05:30

Pedro the old grey horse is very sick and all the other animals on the farm are extremely concerned. One evening, Bobby, the only pig on the farm, overhears the farmer talking to his wife:

"Looks like we'll have to take old Pedro to the knacker's, he's not going to get much better."

Bobby the pig is shocked to the bone, so he runs off and organizes all the animals to do whatever they can to help Pedro. The cows donate milk, the other horses pass on some of their feed, the chickens and geese brush him down and peck off the parasites, the dogs and cats steal apples and pears from the orchard, the goats take him out for fresh air and exercise and Bobby the pig himself gives the old horse gentle, healing massages.

Day by day, Pedro gains in strength and is gradually back to full health and fitness. The farmer is so happy about the recovery of his favorite old workhorse that he decides to invite all the neighbours over for a big barbecue to celebrate and that afternoon he slaughters his only pig...

Athiests

2011-10-12T18:04:00.004+05:30

A priest, a vicar and a rabbi were discussing how they split the money donated by members of their congregations after a service.

The vicar says "I draw a circle on the ground and throw all the money in the air. What lands in the circle I keep for myself and the rest I give to the church.

The priest then says he does the same but what lands in the circle he give to the church and he keeps the rest.

The vicar then turns to the rabbi and asks"What do you do with your money?

To which the rabbi replies "I throw all the money in the air and what God can catch God can keep"

Idle spidey during power-cuts?

2011-10-11T13:34:00.001+05:30

Q. Why doesn't Spiderman work during power-cuts?

A. With no power comes no responsibility.

Mother of 35 kids

2011-09-25T10:52:00.004+05:30

A lady married a man, and had 13 children, and the husband died.

After having the funeral, the woman had found a new man, and married him. She then had a further 7 children. And again, the husband died.

Going through the second husbands funeral, the woman found yet another man, and married him. This time, she had another 15 children. In all, she had a total of 35 children.

Eventually she died. The 3rd husband was attending her funeral.

Whilst at the funeral, the priest said " Lord, they are finally together."

One mourner said " Who do you think he means she's with ? The 1st husband, the 2d husband or the 3rd husband ?

The second mourner said : I think he mentioned about her legs.

Smart Boy

2011-09-25T01:48:00.001+05:30

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home.

*Boy throws bag out the window*

Teacher: Who threw that?

Boy: Me, I'm going home now.

A single wish

2011-09-24T02:06:00.001+05:30

A man had no wife, no child, no money, no home and a blind mother. He pestered God with prayers, and God got moved by his prayers and told him to make ONLY ONE request that will be granted.

The man prayed thus; ''God, i want my mother to see my wife putting diamond bangles on my children's hands in our mansion''.

God thought to Himself, "Damn, i still have a lot to learn from these human beings!"

Banta's implication

2011-02-15T01:50:00.003+05:30

Banta's wife Pammo asked him,"Could you please go shopping for me and
buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"

A short time later Banta comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

Pammo asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

Banta replied, "They had eggs."

Typical girl :-)

2011-02-10T23:39:00.001+05:30

Boy: Hi

Girl: What?

Boy: How are you?

Girl: Do i know you?

Boy: I'm rich

Girl: Hi, i am Emma i'm 20 nice to meet you!

Boy: No no, "Rich" is my name

Girl: Sorry i don't talk to people I don't know.

Mother in law vs Cricket

2011-02-04T01:40:00.003+05:30

Albie was an ardent cricket fan and follows every game religiously.

Once he got a chance to be in a corporate hospitality dept of a premier cricket match happening in the city. It was once in a lifetime opportunity for him to meet all his favorite players personally.

Albie was all excited on D day when he got an urgent call from his wife saying her mum's been hit by a bus and has only hours to live.

Fifteen minutes later, Albie was at the hospital hugging his wife.

"Thank-you darling, I'm so sorry you'll miss your cricket and I know how much that matters to you", say Albie's wife.

"Don't worry, love, I wouldn't miss this - I'm taping it and I'll watch it later."

Oh really, says Albie's wife

Yeah, I have brought the camcorder and set this up quickly now.

A guy's test for free beer

2011-02-03T01:59:00.003+05:30

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar...

FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR 3 MONTHS FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!

So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

The Bartender replies "Well,

1.First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it.

2.Second, there's a gatekeeper out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands.

3.Third, there's a woman up there, you have to make love to her to her satisfaction."

The guy says, "I love free beer so much, I can do anything for it.

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.

Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

Banta as police inspector

2011-01-26T20:19:00.003+05:30

A couple has lodged a complaint about their missing daughter who was last seen to their knowledge when she went to get some pizza for them.

Banta after thorough investigation reaches couples house.

Banta, "We have some good news and some bad news Mr and Mrs Reddy"

Parents, "Whats the bad news"?

Banta, "Your daughter is dead!"

Parents, "My GOD, Whats could be good news then"?

Banta, "We have found the Pizza"

Dressed to impress

2011-01-17T14:56:00.002+05:30

Banta's wife asked, "Do I look nice in this dress?"

Banta looked up from his newspaper and said, "No, you look a fat mess".

"What, you mean there's nothing you like about me in this outfit?", she sobbed.

"There is", Banta said, "I like the fact you're wearing it to go out somewhere.

The drunkard in Hotel

2011-01-17T12:09:00.002+05:30

A drunk man staggers into a hotel with bruises on his face and asks the receptionist, "Can I have the key please to room No 102"?

"I'm sorry sir" The receptionist replied, "but that room is occupied,"

"Not at the moment it isn't" the drunk replied, "I just fell out of the window."

Banta - The Magician

2010-10-31T15:09:00.003+05:30

Banta was magician and used to work on a cruise ship.

The audience was different each week, so the Banta used to do the same tricks over and over again and receive applause every time.

There was one problem though. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

Banta was furious at times, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day it so happened that while Banta was performing his tricks, the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the tenth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up, This trick is something new. Where's the bloody ship?"

Banta's first air travel

2010-10-30T08:34:00.002+05:30

Banta was asked by his company to travel to London for bussiness visit. It was Banta's first air travel and he was scared.

When he abroad the flight, He started feeling better seeing the crowd and their ease and comfort. And the plane was off to London peacefully..

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising
altitude, the captain announced:

'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop
from Delhi to London.
The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight.
So sit back,relax and...... OH, MY GOD !'

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking
to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

Banta stood up and yelled... 'You come here ... you should see the
back of mine first!!!'

Banta as Surgeon

2010-10-28T12:10:00.002+05:30

Banta was renowned surgeon of the city.

A person went into hospital one day to undergo a risky medical procedure.

He spoke to Banta (Head surgeon) earlier to explain that I was a little nervous, but Banta reassured him following way.

"There's only a 1 in 100 chance of anything going seriously wrong," he said.

"Besides, I've done 99 of these operations before and they've all been fine."

Boy vs Girl

2010-10-28T07:32:00.000+05:30

Boy: I think you are ABCDEFGHIJK.

Girl: What does that mean?

Boy: Adorable, beautiful, charming, delightful, elegant, feisty, gorgeous and hot.

Girl: And the 'IJK'?

Boy: I'm just kidding!!

The Pope and KFC Deal

2010-10-27T06:55:00.005+05:30

When KFC sales hit a lean patch, Colonel Sanders came up with a brilliant advertising idea. He got in touch with the Pope and asked him whether they could change the words of the Lord's prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken."

"I can't possibly do that" said the Pope.

Not even for 100,000 dollars?" asked the colonel.

"No, not even for 100,000 dollars.

6 months later and KFC sales were declining even further. The colonel was getting desperate and made another call to the Pope. This time he offered 500,000 dollars to change the words from "bread" to "chicken".

Again, the Pope refused. I can't possibly change the words of the Lord's prayer" he repeated.

Another six months by and KFC sales had reached an all time low, and the company was in danger of going out of business. Colonel Sanders made one last attempt to persuade the Pope to change the wording of the Lord's prayer.

"I'll donate 50million dollars to the Vatican if you change the word "bread" to "chicken""

There was a pause.

"That is a lot of money" the Pope conceded.

"So you'll do it?"

"I'll have to discuss it with the Cardinals"

So the Pope called a meeting of the Cardinals. He began,

"I have good news that, KFC are going to donate 50 million dollars to the Vatican.
The bad news is, we'll have to end the Britania account."

Lord Shiva in bar!!

2010-10-16T11:12:00.006+05:30

One day Lord Shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. So
he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Delhi and asked the bartender:

"What all do u have"?

Bartender : "We have whisky, rum, vodka, gin, beer etc etc.".

Lord Shiva: "Let's try whisky first, give me 5 bottles of whisky".

After having 5 bottles of whisky, Lord Shiva decided to try Rum.

Bartender was shocked :"Who is this man, after having 5 bottles of whisky,he is still on his feet".

After having 5 bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer. After having 40 bottles
of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin.

Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him : "Sir,who are you??

I've seen people getting drunk after having 4 glasses of whisky, and you've almost had 50 bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you"???

Lord Shiva : "VATS, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain". (Translation: Son, I am Lord Shiva)

Bartender : AB CHADHI ISKO!! (Translation: Now It has an effect!!)

A Jewish Couple

2010-09-22T14:24:00.001+05:30

A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

THE LATERAL THINKING PUZZLE 8 - LAWN MESS

2010-09-21T14:23:00.002+05:30

It was a sunny day after many days of snow fall.

Albie was walking past Morkel’s house when he noticed 5 pieces of coal, a carrot and a scarf lying on Benny’s lawn. He thought that was odd so he knocks on Morkel’s door and asks, “Why did you put those bits and pieces on your lawn, Morkel?”

“I didn’t put them there,” says Morkel,“ in fact, nobody put them on my lawn.

But there is a perfectly logical reason for that being there.”

WHAT IS THAT REASON?

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Answers in comment after few days!!

The Lateral Thinking Puzzle 7 : Raining puzzingly

2010-07-17T13:39:00.005+05:30

Albie, Morkel, David and John were walking home together after attending their weekly Management class. It started to rain so all four of them set off on a run.

Albie, Morkel and David got home with soaking wet hair, but John didn’t get his hair wet at all.

John was not wearing a hat or helmet, nor was he carrying an umbrella,
and he didn’t stop anywhere to take shelter as well.

WHY DIDN’T JOHN GET HIS HAIR WET?
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PS:
Answer will be in comment after few days either by me or someone else :-)

The Lateral Thinking Puzzle 6 : The strange case of the tennis matches

2010-06-05T00:21:00.007+05:30

Albie and Morkel are keen tennis players.

One Sunday, they go to their local tennis club and play 3 tennis matches in a row.Then they left.

Afterward, over coffee, they realized that they had both lost and won the same number of matches. How can that be possible?

PS: Remember in tennis there is no draw match.

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Ans => Look for answer in comment after few days

Lateral Thinking Puzzle 5 -- The case of a lucky man

2010-05-30T12:56:00.002+05:30

Morkel went early to his friend’s party. As soon as he got there, Morkel drank a glass of punch (a drink containing alcohol) from the punch bowl.

But he then received an urgent message and left the party early.

He later found out that everyone else at the party who drank some punch subsequently died of poisoning.

WHY DIDN’T MORKEL ALSO DIE?

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Look for answer in comment after some days......

Lateral Thinking Puzzle 4 -- The London rain

2010-05-27T23:51:00.003+05:30

London in April is well known for being very rainy and all the locals wear raincoats.

But not Albie. He is on holiday in London and has no coat or hat or umbrella.

After a nice afternoon tea he decides to go back to his hotel by walking across St James Park.

When Albie gets back to his hotel, he is absolute dry.

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PS: Look for answer in comment after some days!!

Lateral Thinking Puzzle 3 -- The crazy barman

2010-05-15T13:27:00.003+05:30

Albie goes into a wine bar, of all places. He goes up to the barman and says, “Glass of water, please.”

The barman immediately takes a gun from under the bar and points it at Albie’s head in a menacing fashion.

Albie looks at the barman and says, “Thank you.” He then walks out of the bar.

WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENNED?

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PS: Look for answer in comment after some days!!

Lateral Thinking Puzzle 2 --- The secret of mystery book

2010-05-12T23:05:00.002+05:30

Albie was talking to Morkel one day.

“In one of my books, Morkel, the end is in the first half of the book and the preface is in the second half. Not only that,” said Albie, “but the foreword comes after the epilogue, and the index precedes the introduction.”

“That’s amazing,” said Morkel, “What kind of book is that?”

HOW DID ALBIE ANSWER?

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PS:
Look for answer in comment after few days .... But ppl don't wait for it and go for it :-)

Lateral thinking puzzle 1 -- The acting deaf dumb driver

2010-05-10T20:33:00.006+05:30

Pammo was in a taxi on her way home. Baljeet, the taxi driver, knew she was a frequent visitor to the mall and is a well-known chatterbox. So he didn’t want to engage in conversation with her. So he pretended to be deaf and dumb. He pointed to his ears and mouth to indicate to her that he couldn’t hear or speak. This ruse seemed to work. The journey was peacefully silent.

When they arrived and Pammo had got out the taxi, Baljeet pointed to his meter.

Pammo looked at the meter, read what she owed him, paid him and walked off. But she almost immediately realised that Baljeet couldn’t have been a deaf mute.

HOW DID SHE KNOW THIS?

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(Answer would be in comment if I didn't get it after 4 days :-) .... your time starts now...)

Aliens understanding the golf

2010-04-25T01:02:00.002+05:30

Two aliens are visiting Earth to research the sports played on earth.

One day, their spaceship hovers over a golf course and the two aliens watch a solitary golfer in sheer amazement.

The golfer hits the tee shot, shanks his second into the rough deserted piece of land, takes three to get out of the rough onto the fairway, slices the next shot into the bushes, then takes a putter to get it out and on to the fairway again.

One alien says to the other that he must be playing some sort of weird game. They continue to observe the golfer.

The golfer then hits a shot into a bunker by the green, takes several shots to get out of the bunker and finally onto the green, and puts several times until he finally gets the ball into the hole.

At this point, the other alien says to his partner, "Aah, now he's really in some serious trouble!"

The New Comedian

2010-04-23T22:26:00.003+05:30

Albie is always telling jokes and thinks he could make a great stand-up comedian. So when one of his friends suggests he do a try out, Albie volunteers to entertain patients in one of the wards at a nearby hospital.

Albie starts by telling the patients some jokes and finishes by singing some funny songs.

Just before he leaves, he says to the patients, "I hope you all get better."

One elderly male replies, "I hope you get better, too."

Karthik calling karthik :-)

2010-04-21T10:12:00.001+05:30

The lost wallet

2010-04-20T01:44:00.002+05:30

Banta had a habit of panicking over small events.

Once He rushes up to his wife Pammo and says, almost crying, "I can’t find my wallet. I’ve been looking for it everywhere. What should I do? I had over 2000 Rs in it, and all my credit cards, Oh Lord have mercy!!"

"Calm down Banta," replies Pammo, "we just came back from shopping, so did you look in your jacket?"

"Yes, of course I did," replies Banta, "do you think I’m a fool? I’ve looked in my jacket’s inside pockets three times already and it’s not there."

"So what about your trouser pockets?" asks Pammo.

"I’ve looked in there too," replies Banta, "but my wallet isn’t in either pocket.

What shall I do, Pammo? What shall I do?"

"Oh stop worrying like a kid," says Pammo. "What about the side pockets of your jacket? Have you checked your wallet isn’t in there?"

"I’m not such a big fool yet, Pammo," Banta cries. "Of course I haven’t looked in my jacket’s side pockets......

Why should I give up the last bit of hope I have left?"

Reading out report card

2010-04-17T16:17:00.003+05:30

Banta was reading out his son Bunty's report card. As he reads through the card he sees,

Hindi 43
English 39
Mathematics 42
Social studies 46
Science 41
computers 37
drawing 44
Dancing 90

As soon he finishes, He gives gentle slap to his son.
Ouch,What?, says Bunty. Didn't you see I got so high marks for dancing?

With mark like these,"replies Banta", You still felt like dancing.

Banta - The vaccum cleaner salesman

2010-02-17T23:07:00.006+05:30

Banta got a job of salesman in a vaccum cleaner company. As he was street smart guy and had a amazing knack of convincing people, He was very confident he will do good.

As he was entering into a colony in search of his first potential customer, He saw some dog shit on the path. His eyes lit up and decides what gimmick he is going to give and try it right way.

He picks up the dog shit, puts them into one of his vacuum cleaner bags, wipes his hands on another bag, then knocks on the door.

Out comes an old lady sees a well-dressed Banta carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Hello," Banta says to her, "Is it OK if I take a couple of minutes of your time to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners?"

"Go away," she says to him, "I haven’t any money."

But as she starts to close the door, Banta pushes it open again. Please give me one chance, He pleads and before she can respond, Banta empties the dog turds onto her hallway carpet.

He then declares arrogantly and proudly, "If this vacuum cleaner doesn’t remove every trace of these dog turds from your carpet, I will immediately eat whatever is left"

And he then asks for plug point for vaccum cleaner.

The old lady replied, "Let me bring a fork for your meal instead, The Electricity Board cut off my electricity this morning because I couldn’t pay their bill."

So What?

2010-02-17T00:27:00.002+05:30

Pammo, Banta's wife was in her garden hanging up her washing when Kammo, her next door neighbour, poked her head over the fence and said, "I don’t like being the one to have to tell you this Pammo, but there's a rumour going around that your husband Banta is chasing the girls these days."

"So what?" said Pammo.

"But at his age!" said Kammo, "He's over 70 isn’t he?"

"Right he's seventy-two, so what?" replied Pammo, "Let him chase girls. Dogs chase cars, but when they catch one, can they drive it?"

The ultimate excuse

2010-02-03T21:55:00.001+05:30

Banta had just picked up his wife Pammo and their new baby from hospital and brought them home.

It was not long before Pammo suggested that Banta should try his hand at changing a nappy.

"I'm busy," he said. "I promise I'll do the next one."

The next time soon came around so Pammo asked him again.

Banta looked at Pammo and said, innocently, "I didn't mean the next nappy, I meant the next baby."

A Bear family in some forest

2010-01-28T22:24:00.003+05:30

It's a lovely hot, sunny morning in the forest where the bear family live.

There was mummy bear, daddy bear and baby bear.

Baby bear goes downstairs for breakfast and as usual sits down in his small chair at the end of the table. He looks at his small plate and guess what? It’s empty.
"Who's been eating my breakfast?" he shouts.

Daddy bear then makes an appearance and sits in his big chair. He looks at his big plate and guess what? It too is empty.
"Who's been eating my breakfast?" he roars.

On hearing all this complaining, Mumma bear puts her head through the serving hatch and shouts at Daddy bear and Baby bear.

"How many times do we have to go through this? she shouts

It was mummy bear who got up first.
It was mummy bear who woke up everybody else in the house.
It was mummy bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was mummy bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspapers and breakfast.
It was mummy bear who set the breakfast table.
It was mummy bear who filled the cat's milk and food dishes,
and it was mummy bear who cleaned the litter box and took the dog for a walk."

"And now that you two have finally decided to get out of bed and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time.......

I haven't made the bloody breakfast yet!!!"

Albie's curious case

2010-01-22T19:17:00.003+05:30

Albie was 70 years old and makes an appointment to see his doctor. His doctor asks him a few questions.

"Mr Albie, what about urination? Do you have any problems?"

Albie replies, "No doctor, it’s very regular, every morning at precisely 7am."

"And what about your bowel movements?"

Albie replies, "They’re fine also doctor, every morning at precisely 8am."

The doctor asks, "So then why did you come to see me, Mr Albie?"

Albie replies, "Doctor, But I don’t wake up before 10am."

Precaution before arrival of mother in law

2010-01-19T23:48:00.003+05:30

Banta took his spaniel dog to the vet.

"Doctor Abraham," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."

Dr Abraham stepped back in shock, "Banta, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

"Actually Sir, my mother-in-law is arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

Deal for elephant

2010-01-19T13:19:00.004+05:30

Santa and Banta met in a restaurant for a business lunch.

Santa said, "I have a good deal for you, Banta. When I was in Kerala Zoo recently, I happened to pick up 3 elephants they didn’t need any more. I could let you one for three thousand Rupees."

Banta sipped his gin and said, "Santa, what am I going to do with an elephant? I live in a third floor flat. I barely have room for my furniture. I can't even squeeze in a card table. So you think I'm going to buy an elephant?"

Santa said, "I could let you have all three of them for two thousand rupees."

"Aah," said Banta smiling, "now you're talking business!"

customer is always right

2010-01-18T22:14:00.002+05:30

Banta was in his usual nasty mood as he goes into a bank and says to the women cashier behind the window, "I want to open a bloody deposit account."

The astonished woman replies, "I do beg your pardon, but I must have misheard you. What did you say?"

"So listen carefully this time, you stupid moron," shouts Banta, angrily, "I said I want to open a bloody deposit account right now."

"I'm very sorry sir, but I won’t tolerate that kind of language," and with that she leaves her window and goes to see the bank manager.

The manager agrees with her that she certainly shouldn’t have to listen to foul language. They both return to her window and the manager says to Banta, "What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"There is no damn problem," Banta says, "I’ve just won 1 crore on the lottery and all I want to do is open a bloody deposit account in this bloody awful bank!"

"Oh, I see, " says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time, Sir?"

Albie and Marry in their 80s

2010-01-16T10:28:00.003+05:30

One night, Albie and Marry, both in their eighties, go to Empire Restaurant.

Albie orders just one plate of salt chicken, Mushroom frieds and new green cucumbers. Then, when it arrives, he tucks into his favourite food. Marry just sits there watching him enjoy himself.

Mr Benny, sitting at a table nearby, notices that Marry hasn’t got a meal. He then gets quite upset when, with plenty of food still left on his plate, Albie puts down his knife and fork, removes his napkin and puts it on the table.

“How mean,” thought Benny, “the elderly lady is just sitting there without any food. Maybe they can’t afford two meals?”

So Benny goes over to Marry and says, “I hope you won’t be offended but I see you don’t have anything to eat. Could I please treat you to a meal? It would really make me happy if you said yes.”

Marry replies, “That’s very kind of you but there is no need to worry about me. My husband Albie and I share everything 50/50 and now that he’s eaten his half, it will soon be my turn.”

“So what are you waiting for?” asks Benny.

“The teeth.”

Banta's Motor bike revealed!!

2010-01-15T14:55:00.002+05:30

Wisdom on efficiency from expert

2010-01-14T21:01:00.003+05:30

Banta was an efficiency expert and at the end of one of his lectures to professionals, he concluded with a note of caution. "Please don't try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked Albie, who was in the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," Banta explained.

"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, oven, table and cupboards, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Darling, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

"Did it save time?" Albie asked.

"Actually, yes," replied Banta. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in 7 minutes."

Mother-in-law's illness

2010-01-10T22:29:00.004+05:30

Banta meets Santa in the street. Banta says, “Is it true, Santa, that your mother-in law is ill?”

“Yes.” , replied Santa.

“In fact,I heard that she is in hospital.” queried Banta.

“Yes.”, replied Santa.

“How long has she been in hospital?”, again queried Banta.

Santa replies, “29 more days please G0D and it will be a month.”

Engineer's life after death

2010-01-07T13:23:00.007+05:30

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer—you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

(courtesy : sagar masuti)

Abe - The perfect Bachelor

2009-12-31T18:36:00.001+05:30

Benny, the matchmaker, goes to see Abe, a confirmed bachelor for many years.

"Abe, you mustn't wait too long. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says Benny.

"Don't bother," replies Abe, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs."

"That's all well and good," said Benny, "but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine!"

Banta's Marriage Advice

2009-12-31T00:05:00.001+05:30

Banta preaches, "Don’t marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. "

Of course, an ugly person may leave you too, but then who cares?

Punjabi Dog

2009-12-27T23:06:00.004+05:30

Banta walks into a Dhaba with a dog.

The owner comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, you can't bring your dog in here as others will feel uncomfortable."

"What do you mean," says Banta, "this is a Punjabi dog and knows our tradition. Look."

"DalJeet," says the Banta, "Show you are Punjabi" !!

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens his bag (which was hanging with his neck), takes out a turban and puts it on his head.

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens bag again, takes out a sword and displays his swords skills.

"That's fantastic," says the owner, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, he could make a million dollars!!"

"Please, You speak to him and make him understand," says Banta, "he wants to be a dentist."

Banta stole priest's golden watch

2009-12-26T10:22:00.009+05:30

Banta has stolen the priest's gold watch from gurudwara.

He didn't feel too good about it, so he decided, after a sleepless night

to go to the priest.

'Sir, I stole a gold watch.', regretted Banta.

'But Banta ! That's forbidden! You should return it immediately !'

'What shall I do ?' . asks Banta

'Give it back to the owner.', concluded Priest

'Do you want it ?' , quipped Banta

'No, I said return it to its owner.', replied Priest

'But he doesn't want it.', replied Banta

'In that case, you can keep it.' concluded Priest.

Banta visit to dentist

2009-10-28T14:30:00.002+05:30

One day, Banta goes to his dentist and asks him how much it will cost to extract a wisdom tooth.

"Eight hundred," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," Banta says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if I don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to 600."

"That's still too expensive," Banta says.

"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anaesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging you only 200."

"No," moans Banta, "it's still too much."

"Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it without anaesthetic and use a pair of old pliers - just for the experience, you understand, I suppose I could charge you just 100 Rs."

"Marvellous," says Banta, "book my appointment for my wife Pammo for next Tuesday!"

A Punjabi bar

2009-07-13T12:48:00.006+05:30

Banta took one of his friend to a punjabi bar. Most of the people sitting there were sardars.Banta being regular customer was greeted by all.

Banta then ordered beer and both were sitting having their beers when someone yelled "21", and there was a small uproar of laughter. A few minutes later someone else yelled "34" and another roar of laughter rose up.

Banta's freind got confused about this, asked Banta "Why is everyone laughing at the numbers being called out"

Banta said, "Well we've been telling the same jokes for so many years that we just numbered them all and if you want to tell a joke you just call out a number"

Banta' friend nodded and said "Can I try?" Banta nodded and his friend called out "121" and everyone in the club roared with laughter and it didn't die down for at least another 15 minutes after.

"Why did everyone laugh so hard at that joke?" Banta's friend asked.

Banta said with a small chuckle, "We haven't heard that one before."

Amazing basketball stunts

2009-06-26T17:28:00.002+05:30

Amazing Polish Power Gymnasts

2009-06-26T13:29:00.002+05:30

New Mattakk kali

2009-06-24T10:51:00.002+05:30

A Paki at the doctor's clinic

2009-06-23T18:03:00.002+05:30

A Paki is at his doctors complaining of chest pains.

After extensive tests, the doctor announces the findings of the test.

"Well, Sir, I have some good news and bad news for you. Firstly you appear to have the painful and life threatening condition Emphysema, caused by your constant smoking."

"Oh," says Paki, "What's the good news, then?"

The doctor replies, "That is the good news. The bad news is - There is a cure."

Businessman and Banta of remote village

2009-06-22T21:18:00.002+05:30

A businessman, hopelessly lost in a far off village where Banta lived, approaches him for some directions.

"Excuse me, sir," the man asks Banta , "what is the quickest way to the capital from this village?"

"Well, are you going to be walking or driving?" asks Banata

"I'm driving there." replied the businessman

"Yep, I'd definitely say that's the quickest way then.", concluded Banta.

Experience Vs Talent

2009-06-19T19:14:00.003+05:30

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,

"Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

Banta's son monty

2009-02-06T17:41:00.002+05:30

Teacher took a 5 rupee coin and dip it in a glass filled with mild acid and then asked the students, "Tell me whether this coin will melt or not?"

Monty answered, "Sir, The coin will not melt."

Teacher replied, "very good, Now explain why!!"

Monty, "Sir, if it would have melted then you would have dipped 1 rupee instead of 5."

Banta - the lion tamer

2009-01-07T18:28:00.002+05:30

An apprentice is training to be a lion tamer, and it's his first day.

The master tamer Banta was telling him what to do."Firstly, if the lion growls, move back slightly."

Secondly, if the lion keeps growling, and moves towards you, move back a little more."

Thirdly, if the lion is still growling and advancing on you, throw a load of shit in its face and ran out.

"The apprentice replies, "but what if there is no shit to throw?"

"Don't worry," replies the Banta, "if a lion is advancing on you, there will be!"

65 year-old woman gave birth

2009-01-07T18:13:00.002+05:30

A 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. She is discharged from the hospital and goes home.

Her relatives came to see this miracle and also were bit burried as how she will cope up the situation “May we see the new baby?” one asks.

“Not yet… soon,” says the 65 year-old mother, chatting away with her visitors.

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asks, “May we see the new baby now?”

“Not yet,” replies the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they ask again, “May we see the baby now?”

“No,” replies the mother.

Growing very impatient, they ask, “So, when can we see the baby?”

“Well..... when it cries,” she tells them.“WHEN IT CRIES!” they exclaim, “why on earth do we have to wait until it cries?”

“Because," she explains, "I've forgotten where I put it...”

Banta went to buy curtain

2008-12-11T22:43:00.002+05:30

Banta went to a shop that sells curtain. He asked for light blue color curtain.

The salesman showed him quite many varieties but Banta was struggling to chose one.

Finally he choses one with beautiful light blue with white shades.

Salesman said, Thats a good choice sir and then asked what size he is looking for.

Banta replied, "yeah I would like 15 inches long."

Salesman, "Excuse me sir, 15 inches is too small, what kind of room are you preferring for?"

Banta replied, "Its not for any room but for my new computer."

Salesman, "Forgive me Sir, But computers don't need curtains."

Banta, "Oye dear, I have got Windows!!!"

Banta threw a paki from 10th floor

2008-12-10T18:18:00.002+05:30

Banta was accused of throwing a paki from 10th floor of a building and his case was heard by the judge.

Judge after hearing concluded, "Banta, You are sentenced to 2 years of imprisonment!!"

Banta reacted, "c'mmon my lord, He was a paki. Thats unfair!!"

Judge responded, "Thats Ok, But it could have hit anybody on the road."

A Sardar finds a magical lamp

2008-12-09T14:41:00.002+05:30

A Sardar finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. "Ah, hell," says the genie, "What do you want?"

Sardar says "I want a huge mansion with a thousand rooms and a hundred floors, in the heart of Delhi city."

The genie looks at him and says "don't be an idiot, do you have any idea how costly the city is? that's impossible. pick something else."

So the Sardar says "I want everyone to stop making fun of me"

The genie says "so this mansion, you want all rooms with attached bathrooms?"

Its not good to be extremist

2008-12-06T17:03:00.003+05:30

Three Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "How much good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in the heaven accordingly".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her." He gets a BMW and drives off into heaven.

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

Once a Punjabi did right

2008-12-06T16:53:00.003+05:30

Once a Punjabi, a maarwadi, and a Bengali - are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Yamraj, who prepares to let them into Heaven.

The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually, Yamraj relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they each pay him 10 thousands.

Punjabi pays his 10 thousand straight away, and BANG!!, he's back in the same street he had just left.

Immediately, he goes into the nearest pub, and tells all of his mates his amazing story.

Of course, they don't believe him. "So," asks one mate, "if all this is true, then where's maarwadi and the bengali?".

"Well," says the Punjabi, "when I left them, the marwadi had him down to 6.5 thousand, and the Bengali was arguing that the government should pay for it as he pays his taxes and roads are not proper which leads to these accident."

Banta goes fishing

2008-12-06T12:09:00.003+05:30

Banta was caught carrying a bag of fish one day from prohibited fishing zone.

A police officer catch him and asked, 'Are you aware fishing is illegal here?'

Banta replies 'I wasn't fishing here, these are my fish. Every night I take them down to the water and let them out for a swim then I shout them back and they swim back into the bag'.

'Oh is it, let us witness this' says the policeman sarcastically.

They walk down to the water and Banta releases the fish back into the water.

'Right, shout them back' the policeman says

'Shout back what?' Banta replies

Banta interviewed for signalman for railways

2008-12-02T16:35:00.003+05:30

Banta wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box for an interview.

The inspector asks "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"
Banta says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."

"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Banta, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."

"What if that had been struck by lightning?", asked the Inspector.
"Then," Banta continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."

"What if the phone was engaged?", questioned the Inspector.
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get Santa."

This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
"Because that idiot has never seen a train crash."

Three woman knitting sweater

2008-11-30T17:32:00.000+05:30

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.

"What was that?" The others asked her.

"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy."

A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.

"What was that?" the others asked.

"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong."

They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.

"What was that?" the others asked her.

"It was Thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this damn sweater!"

The cabby driver

2008-11-28T03:28:00.001+05:30

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.

"The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

What one wall says to the other???

2008-11-27T23:24:00.002+05:30

What one wall says to the other one????
....
what else it could ???
....
....

come on.....

given up..... Ok....

It says, "Lets meet at the corner...." (Vom*** he he)

Once an LA girl

2008-11-22T22:23:00.003+05:30

Once an LA girl is walking down the street with her left breast hanging out...

A police car pulls up and says, "Miss, put your left breast back in
your top or i will arrest you"

LA girl looks down and says, "Oh God !! .....I 've left the baby on the bus again".

Banta's strange disease

2008-11-15T13:20:00.002+05:30

Banta's wife Pammo goes to her psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband, Banta. He thinks he is a refrigerator."

"That's not so bad," says the psychiatrist, "it is a rather harmless complex."

"Well, maybe," replies Pammo, "but he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake."

JESUS vs SATAN

2008-11-15T12:31:00.002+05:30

Jesus and Satan were having an argument about who was better on the computer.
They had been going at it for days and God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from the results I shall judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man and woman.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then ten minutes before their time was up lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on and they restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming : "It's gone! It's all GONE!

I lost everything when the power went off!"

Meanwhile Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
"Wait!" Satan screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and all mine's gone?"

God just shrugged and said, JESUS SAVES.

Lawyer and the client

2008-11-12T12:19:00.001+05:30

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.

Client: Well, give me the bad news first.

Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene

Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?

Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!

call for librarian at midnight

2008-11-10T02:05:00.002+05:30

What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.

"Nine A.M." came the reply.

"And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"

"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.

"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said.

"Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"

"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

Banta got tennis ball

2008-11-10T00:46:00.002+05:30

One day while jogging, Banta noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

On his way to home he met Santa.

Santa asked, ""What do you have in your pocket?"

"Tennis ball?" Banta said.

"Uff," said Santa looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"

Man of 80 marries Girl of 21

2008-11-04T00:19:00.001+05:30

The event made headlines news in the local paper."Man of 80 marries Girl of 21."

The couple held a press conference after their honeymoon.

"How often do you have sex?" shouted the Journalists.

"Nearly every night!" replied the man.

"Nearly on Monday, nearly on Tuesday, Wednesday..."

Banta as Museum curator

2008-11-04T00:03:00.002+05:30

Banta has been working as curator in Natural History Museum in London for quite some time.

A man was looking at Dinosaurs bones kept in the museum and asked Banta how old the bones were?

Banta replied: 'They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.

''Wonder me!' the man said. 'How do you know their age so precisely?'

Banta said 'Well, they were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.'

Things to Say When Caught Sleeping at Your Desk

2008-10-13T01:03:00.001+05:30

10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the timemanagement course you sent me to!"

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got herejust in time."

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business strategy."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-relatedstress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how tohandle that big accounting problem."

3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you putyour ear down real close?"

2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?"

AND THE NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at yourdesk........

1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in the name of lord' name, Amen."

Contributer --- Ranjith

Man and his wife

2008-10-13T00:55:00.001+05:30

A Man was sitting in a fine restaurant when his wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

I said "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

Man said, "That's remarkable, I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

Kids Joke #1

2008-10-13T00:51:00.001+05:30

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now Bantu, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

Bantu: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

A School in punjab

2008-10-13T00:47:00.003+05:30

TEACHER: Bantu, go to the map and find North America.

Bantu: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct.

Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Bantu.

Santa Banta as Hunters

2008-10-13T00:43:00.003+05:30

Santa and Banta are two avid hunters who got a pilot to take them to Africa to hunt deers. They bagged six. As they were loading them on the plane to come home, the pilot tells them the plane can only carry four.

The Santa Banta objected strongly. "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six animals were loaded.Unfortunately, even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck Banta asked Santa, "Any idea where we are?"

"Yeah, I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Banta's wife goes missing

2008-10-12T23:47:00.002+05:30

There was devastating flood in Banta's home town and Banta's wife was missing. When the things became slightly better Banta set out to look for his missing wife.

On the way he find another man looking mad for something.

Banta asked, "Hey Friend, What you are looking for" ?

Man said , "I am looking for my wife which goes missing after this flood."

Banta said, "Me too, What a coincidence!! Now we can help each other, How your wife looks like?"

Man, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with curly black hair, blue eyes, long legs, good health, and she's wearing tight white shorts.

What does your wife look like?"The man asked Banta.

"Doesn't matter!! said Banta excitedly, let's look for yours first."

A women and her ugly baby

2008-09-22T21:51:00.002+05:30

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You shouldn't take that. You tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey

Sister Martha

2008-09-22T21:40:00.002+05:30

Antony approached Tomy's bar. On the step outside he was confronted by a nun, Sister Martha,

Martha said: 'Surely a fine man like yourself is not going into this house of ignominity? Surely you're not going to waste your hard-earned cash on the devil's bar. Why don't you go home and feed and clothe your wife and children?'

'Hang on, Sisters,' said Antony. 'How can you condemn alcohol out of hand? Surely it's wrong to form such a rash judgement when you've never tasted the stuff?'

'Very well,' said Sister Martha. Till taste it just to prove my point. Obviously I can't go into the pub, so why don't you bring me some gin. Oh, and just to camouflage my intent, maybe you should bring it in a cup not a glass!'

'OK,' said Antony and into the bar he went. 'I'll have a large gin,' he said to the barman. 'And can you put it in a cup?'

'My God,' said the barman, 'that nun's not outside again is she?'

Banta and his secretary

2008-09-21T13:19:00.003+05:30

Banta to his secretary, "Why don't you clean this office, It looks like hell now"

Secretary, "I have figured out this files are 10 years old, should I destroy these files sir, This will make your cabin tidier."

Banta, "Yes sure enough!!, Go ahead and destroy them but don't forget to keep their copies."

Money Hai to Honey hai

2008-09-18T17:06:00.003+05:30

REBEL and the Traffic Police

2008-09-15T22:56:00.005+05:30

It was the beautiful evening of Saturday and my heart urges for a long drive on the high way to make the day more special. I obliged my heart and set out for a long drive.

There I was speeding on the high way, enjoying cool breeze and I was filled with immense energy as my destination was my journey and I was enjoying every bit of it. My joy was short lived though, There I saw a long rally of vehicles waiting for green signal at 4 X junction. Somehow, driving between the vehicles, on the platform I reached near the junction.

I was amazed to see that all four ways were showing red signals and there was no traffic man around. I was getting very impulsive to zip off through the red signals to the long empty road.
When two - three minutes passed, finally I saw signal changed to orange and I just ripped through the signals and was astonished to see somewhere 100 meters ahead of junction, 4-5 traffic police were hiding in the bush just to catch guys who are breaking traffic rules.

One of them came in the middle of the road shouting like hell and stopped me. I said , I started when signal became orange and it was about to turn green but He shouted back in regional language and I figured out that I am at the receiving end of his anger. My mind framed a good speech quickly which would have been very impressive if at all it was heard but nobody was ready to hear me. And I have learned one thing that arguments are never fruitful.

It was of course a plot to catch people and charge them as you will never find all four signal RED simultaneously at the same time.I learned a lesson though and said to myself, Mr REBEL don't break traffic rules.

I paid 300 rs fine and goes speeding again......

A High tech bar with ROBOT as bartender!!

2008-09-14T18:36:00.001+05:30

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot.

The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "Oh, about 164."The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity,inter-stellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc...The man was most impressed.

He left the bar but thought he would try a different tack. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A martini please."Again it was superb. The robot again asked "What is your IQ sir?" This time the man answered , "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Top Gear, the latest football scores, and what to expect of the championship season.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the> question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man slowly drawled out " Uh..... bout 10"

The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked, "Are... your... people... happy... with... PERVEZ MUSHARRAF ?"

Bush, Blair and Musharraf

2008-09-06T20:58:00.002+05:30

George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Pervez Musharraf were relaxing near the swimming pool in a luxurious 6 * hotel.

Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping stopped. The others looked curiously at him. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. "I have a microchip embedded under the skin of my forearm."

Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone ringing. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the ringing stopped. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. I have a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. "

By this time, Pervez Musharraf was feeling sort of low-tech. Without saying anything, he quickly goes to his room and returned . When he returned, Bush and Blair both stared at him incredulously. It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Musharraf's posterior.

When Musharraf saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he feigned astonishment: "Oh guys! I think I'm getting a fax."

cute moral story - 2

2008-09-06T11:19:00.001+05:30

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

.A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story

1. To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

2. Never copy your manager ;-).

The black african farmer

2008-09-05T22:50:00.003+05:30

A black African farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, "That's once."

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, "That's twice."

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer

didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."

The farmer said, "That's once."

Banta in california

2008-09-05T22:42:00.002+05:30

Banta shifted to califonia...

One day Banta and his wife were sitting in their living room and Banta said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''

His wife replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''

Banta replied, ''No, I'm turning the heater off.''

Banta - The woodcutter

2008-09-05T22:37:00.002+05:30

Banta got a job felling trees. And he was paid by results. They gave him an electric saw and off into the forest he went. At sunset Banta returned with the other loggers and they counted their trees.

'I got ninety-eight,' said Ramu.

'Ninety-one me,' added Shyam.

'I only got four,' said Banta.

'Well, I can't understand that,' said the boss. 'Maybe your saw is defective. Pass it here.'

The boss pulled the starting rope and the saw burst into life.

'My God,' said Banta, 'See it is defective, what's that noise?'

Two black eyed man

2008-09-05T22:33:00.001+05:30

A man with a black eye boards a plane and notices the man next to him has a shiner too.

1st man says, "how did you get that ?"

2nd man says "Instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh I asked for 2 pickets to tittsburgh".

1st man says "I got mine like that to, I want to say to my wife, Give me a glass of water please, but I accidentally said you`ve ruined my life you evil creature!!.

Banta desperate for pee

2008-09-05T22:27:00.002+05:30

Banta arrives Dublin airport and is dying for a pee. He makes it to the Gents but there's a huge queue.He sees that the disabled toilet is free so he decides to leg it in before he relax himself.

After relieving himself he's coming out the door, He saw a queue of disabled people everyone staring angrily at him.

Banta looks at his leg and said, "Bloody miracle this country, I can walk now!'.

American for a job in bank

2008-09-05T10:06:00.002+05:30

An American man moves to the U.K. to find some work. He manages to find a job in a bank.

On his first day, the boss tells him to sweep up the floor.

"Excuse me? I'm from one of the best colleges in the U.S.A.!"

"Oh, I'm so very sorry!" replied the bank manager, "let me call someone in to show you how to do it."

Banta in a Shopping Mall

2008-08-31T17:18:00.002+05:30

Banta spoted a beautiful girl in a mall and approached her and said her, "Hello, Actually I have lost my wife somewhere in this mall, Can you talk to me for sometime."

Lady replied angrilly, "And how that help your cause ?"

Banta, "Actually whenever I talk to beautiful girl like you, my wife appears from nowhere."

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(sure enough when Banta turned around he spotted his wife staring at him. General Phenomenon.)